life update

I have 2 months to find a place to move.  Between the people trying to scam you with false places and rents so high I might get nose bleeds, I am going crazy!

If I could just find some places in my price range, thanks to my income that isn't very high, the government disability only gives so much and it isn't enough.  I don't know how people who can't work can live!  Part of me wishes I had just gotten a smaller place and stayed in Hamilton.  However, my mental health has gotten easier to deal with this past year living in the sticks, it was totally worth the move.  

Something has to come up and soon... praying daily for this!

Moving... Again

I hate moving more than going to the dentist!  However if you want to save a friendship sometimes, it must be done.

June 30th Mike and I move to Barrie.  There are busses and so much more access to stores than where we are and that will be a new adventure for sure.

We found an adorable house to rent, which turned out to be a complete FRAUD!  The guy was trying to get us to sign a legal lease for a house already rented to other people.  I know there are twat-waffles out there but I didn't expect to find myself in that kind of deal.  

On the good side of things, we are going Sunday to view an apartment that is fully furnished, just have to ask him to remove the bed from the bedroom as that and a chair and table is really all I brought with me to Shan's.  It is very modern and really nice, according to the photos, so we will see.

I am excited about this move for some strange reason, but will miss the country life I have gotten so use to here.

I have been reading a lot, something I do when I need to de-stress.  I have read 5 of the Mortal Instrument series, there is 1 more to locate!  I have also been stitching again.  I should be starting to pack! lol  there will be plenty of time for that, I only have a bedroom full of stuff to pack.

In other news we have not had water in the house for 2 months now, we have been showering at friends, boiling water for dishes.  Thank Goddess for Kyla and her boy friend, as they have been bringing us drinking water and waste water for the toilet.  It is frustrating as fuck!

Signing off for now, Love you

Post Birthday Post

Well it's official, I am in the 50 club!

I had a great birthday, still waiting to go out with Joey, his car was hit so he can't come see me until repairs are done.  However it was a terrific weekend!

I went to my sister's house for dinner on Saturday and my neice made the cake and I should mention that Sandy is an excellent cook and dinner was AWESOME!

Shan bought me Coca Cola and smokes, Brianna bought me Coke too, (seeing a pattern) and Kyla, Anthony and Ellie bought me a cake and the DVD Maleficent, if you haven't seen it I highly recommend you watch it at least once LOL

I received some cross stitched pieces from a gal in Italy and many cards from my parents and friends, not to mention the many wishes on FB.

I am feeling very blessed this year!

Another New Year

Well 2015 is the year of my 50th birthday.  Age is only a number but 50 is a big fucking number!
I want presents and a cake, not likely to happen but that's what I want.

Hopefully my move this summer is the last move I make for a very long time.  

Have a great 2015!

Yule and Christmas 2014

This was by far the BEST time I have had in many years!  Yule was spent with Shan, Brianna, Kyla, Anthony, Ellie and Mike and Joe!  We played cards against humanity which was a huge laugh then had ceasar salad, lasgna, garlic bread and a wonderful yule log for dessert, everyone was stuffed!  I sent Ashley's gift home with Joe, I hope she liked it.  

Christmas day Mike and I went to Sandy and Vic's house for family Christmas and I spent the time with mostly my sisters, it was wonderful and I truly felt loved.  Sandy and Vic did the same thing with their family as I did and it was a make your presents year and it went over excellently!  I cross stitched everyone something for Yule and made my sister's ornaments for their trees and I made mom and dad a sampler and an ornament for their tree too.  Sandy made bags for everyone and the 2 little ones got capes, so cute!  

Here is our complete family minus Joe and Ashely, Chels and Mike and Keiran's girl.

We have a large family full of crazy nutty people and I love them all!

Here is a Yule picture of Joe, Mike and I and Hermione

I wish you all the best for the coming New Year!

Borderline Personality Disorder I HATE IT

I have been feeling great for weeks, enjoying my new place and fall here is just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!  My depression has been good with very little anxiety trips, life is good!

Until today... if you have a mental disorder you will understand how stupid little things can send you flying off to screaming and yelling, locking yourself in your room while everyone else has fun sitting around talking and laughing and you just feel like screaming or crying or ashamed.  I haven't had any BPD symptoms in a while until today.  You forget and think you are normal until someone says something that doesn't mean anything but for some reason you freak and pack up your shit and hide out in your room because you realize you are not NORMAL and nothing and everything people say will piss you off or upset you.

I don't want to cry but feel I need to but won't let myself, it was stupid and I am stupid for hiding out in my room so no one sees me.  I just need to be alone until this passes.

Too Old for this Shit, or am I?

I haven't felt like myself lately and couldn't figure out why until I sat and thought about it for a couple of days and it hit me like a cast iron fry pan!

I'M HOMESICK!

I miss my parents, my son Joe, my old house and neighbours and the fun fact of going around the corner for groceries, junk food and my friends.

I love it up here, who wouldn't but without a license there is no where you can go out in the country.  Shan can't drive due to her back so we are stranded here everyday.  Mike ran out of medication and his doctor back home is being a DICK and won't fax the pharmacy, has to SEE him, well it isn't like we are close to him, so we are looking for a doctor so he can get in and get him his med's.  

I am starting to get better but it was shocking to realize an adult can be homesick just like a kid at camp.  It has amplified my depression and my BPD.  I keep breathing and keep making my thoughts positive, but really miss my youngest son so much and I am so far from my Mom and Dad now.  

Brightest Blessings