I didn't mean to hurt my son or his fiance. I would like to end my life so they don't have to deal with me anymore. I wish I was dead.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
High Anxiety
This is day 3 without a smoke, I have decided to quit, again. Hopefully I can do it this time.
This is Joe's 2nd weekend home and he said he would stop in to see me and I am stunned, he lied.
It is like his Dad and step Mother and his fiance
seem to be who he wants to spend his time with, not with me. I am hurt and afraid to say anything because I don't want to alienate him from my life. But I am soooooooooooooo angry, I feel dead inside being alone all the time. If it wasn't for Faith, I would never get out without the dog or get anything done. However no one comes to visit sit and talk to me make me forget I am alone all the time. I could die and no one would know and other than a small few, no one would care either. Yes I am on my medication, it is the lack of nicotine in my body fucking with me I guess. However death seems peaceful but couldn't take my own life without hurting my parents and possibly 1 of my sons. Well I am going to go watch a movie.
This is Joe's 2nd weekend home and he said he would stop in to see me and I am stunned, he lied.
seem to be who he wants to spend his time with, not with me. I am hurt and afraid to say anything because I don't want to alienate him from my life. But I am soooooooooooooo angry, I feel dead inside being alone all the time. If it wasn't for Faith, I would never get out without the dog or get anything done. However no one comes to visit sit and talk to me make me forget I am alone all the time. I could die and no one would know and other than a small few, no one would care either. Yes I am on my medication, it is the lack of nicotine in my body fucking with me I guess. However death seems peaceful but couldn't take my own life without hurting my parents and possibly 1 of my sons. Well I am going to go watch a movie.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Moving out on my own
well I found an apartment for me the dog and cat. I will be living alone after a few years of living with someone else in the home. I am excited but scared too.
I have been talking to a man in the US Military and am enjoying getting to know a good man. If nothing but a friendship comes of it, Io'm ok with that. I am growing to care for him but we will see what the future holds.
I have been talking to a man in the US Military and am enjoying getting to know a good man. If nothing but a friendship comes of it, Io'm ok with that. I am growing to care for him but we will see what the future holds.
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