Friends????

I use to have a bunch of friends and now it's like, if I don't call I don't hear from them anymore.
My depression is deep and dark and my anxiety is spinning out of control.  The worst part is I have no one to talk to about how I feel. Everyone is either too busy, it's the time of year but still I have no friends close by I can talk too.  If it wasn't for my kids and family I would want to be dead.

I use to think I needed a man this time of year, but at my age it's friends I want and need.  I am writing this and crying my eyes out like a fool because I am alone.  Yesterday all the kids were here for Yule dinner.  It was awesome!  Today was taking stalk of my life, and there isn't anyone I could call and they would drop everything to come over for tea.  If Shan or Eva were closer I know they would but what happened to all my other friends?  I don't know even how to make new friends as I have this HUGE social anxiety issue.

Help me Goddess, I need to see the good in my life, there has to be more good in it than I see now.  Another couple of days and I will be with my family for their Christmas, I look forward to seeing everyone and their kids and my parents with my kids.  Then another let down after that.  Not sure how many more I can handle alone.