When my kids were young and driving me crazy, I kept telling myself one day I would have a quiet life without the annoyances of daily life with the kids yelling and fighting.
Be careful what you wish for... now I sit here wishing just one would call, text, email anything to show they love and miss me as much as I do them. I never thought I would miss them this much. It is a normal right of passage to miss them, however I shouldn't feel like my world is empty because they are gone, yet I do.
I have friends, however they have families of their own and I can't burden them with my issues all the time. I am however lonely and long to feel the love of my children. My animals are not the same, I thought it would be a way to make me feel better, but it isn't.
Sadly even my extended children are too busy and not around either.
Fuck I am being so whiny! Yet I can't seem to help it, tomorrow I am putting together a witches jar to get rid of the negative feeling in my home since Mike and his wife left and going to smudge the hell out of my home. I am praying Goddess helps me to heal my heart and helps me release the negative feelings, it is so bad I have thought a lot about ending my life. I say this on here since it is my blog of my feelings.
I do plan on being in this life long enough to enjoy my own grandchildren, but the thoughts and feels are hard to suppress every day.
Thank you for letting me vent again.
Be careful what you wish for... now I sit here wishing just one would call, text, email anything to show they love and miss me as much as I do them. I never thought I would miss them this much. It is a normal right of passage to miss them, however I shouldn't feel like my world is empty because they are gone, yet I do.
I have friends, however they have families of their own and I can't burden them with my issues all the time. I am however lonely and long to feel the love of my children. My animals are not the same, I thought it would be a way to make me feel better, but it isn't.
Sadly even my extended children are too busy and not around either.
Fuck I am being so whiny! Yet I can't seem to help it, tomorrow I am putting together a witches jar to get rid of the negative feeling in my home since Mike and his wife left and going to smudge the hell out of my home. I am praying Goddess helps me to heal my heart and helps me release the negative feelings, it is so bad I have thought a lot about ending my life. I say this on here since it is my blog of my feelings.
I do plan on being in this life long enough to enjoy my own grandchildren, but the thoughts and feels are hard to suppress every day.
Thank you for letting me vent again.
Obviously you wrote this months ago but I was also in a MAJOR depression because of the shitstorm that my life has turned into between my marriage hanging by a thread and the fighting among the four of us (you know who I'm talking about). I actually just wrote a post on my blog about SEVERE depression. I hope you get a minute to read it and perhaps those words may help you when you are suffering? It will not ::poof:: make the pain go away, but for me when I think to myself "You already are" it gives me enough strength to go into survival mode. Survival mode to me is taking this as much as I can. Sometimes one day at a time, sometimes on hour at a time and sometimes one task at a time i.e. let me just get through washing these dishes and we'll see what I can do next.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you my girl. You are stronger than you think.