High Anxiety

This is day 3 without a smoke, I have decided to quit, again.  Hopefully I can do it this time.

This is Joe's 2nd weekend home and he said he would stop in to see me and I am stunned, he lied.

It is like his Dad and step Mother and his fiance
seem to be who he wants to spend his time with, not with me.   I am hurt and afraid to say anything because I don't want to alienate him from my life.  But I am soooooooooooooo angry, I feel dead inside being alone all the time.  If it wasn't for Faith, I would never get out without the dog or get anything done.  However no one comes to visit sit and talk to me make me forget I am alone all the time.  I could die and no one would know and other than a small few, no one would care either.  Yes I am on my medication, it is the lack of nicotine in my body fucking with me I guess.  However death seems peaceful but couldn't take my own life without hurting my parents and possibly 1 of my sons.  Well I am going to go watch a movie. 

Moving out on my own

well I found an apartment for me the dog and cat.  I will be living alone after a few years of living with someone else in the home.  I am excited but scared too.

I have been talking to a man in the US Military and am enjoying getting to know a good man.  If nothing but a friendship comes of it, Io'm ok with that.  I am growing to care for him but we will see what the future holds.

So What's New?

Well I am diabetic.  What a change in life style!  No sugar no salt, lean meats and measuring of food.  
I have to work on the exercise part more, but I will get it under control, I am strong.

All Moved In

Well I still can't find all my stuff, but I am moved in just have to finish unpacking.  

It's good to be back in the city, although I haven't really been out of the house much.  But there is a store down the street and close to a bus route.  Next week my parents maybe coming for a visit.

I have seen my youngest son twice in one week, that is pure joy.  I miss my oldest son a lot, but he's on his own journey.  I am sure he will do well.

Stay strong is my new motto for life!

Getting EXCITED!!!!

well 9 more days and I move back to Hamilton and into a house with friends of 20 plus years!

I am all packed with the exception of the kitchen things and the bathroom things that we need everyday.

This is going to be a very good part of my life's journey, and I am excited by the opportunity to live with 2 of my oldest friends and see my old friends I left when I moved.

This move was an adventure, I have lived in a small town before but never in the country.  If I could drive it would have been a lot easier, but it was part of the journey of life and I will never forget the time I spent here or the fantastic family I got to be a part of.

Brightest Blessings dear friends.

UPDATE

Moving June 26th!

Waiting Game

The thing I hate about moving, besides the packing and unpacking, is the waiting.  My brother in-law is going to be moving me back to Hamilton but I am waiting for a date from them as to when I am moving.  There is nothing like sitting in limbo, not knowing what date you need helpers on the receiving end to help unload.  I wish they would make up their minds soon it is driving me nuts.  

I have packed everything but the bathroom and kitchen stuff and my clothing, living out of boxes is so not fun.